If I were on the Hot Seat with Amitabh Bachchan

Like millions of others I have not got a call from KBC so far. While the others may be fretting and sucking their thumbs, I thought why not visualize a scenario where I go on to win the 15 crores prize. I select my own questions. Most of them have a backdrop as in Slumdog Millionaire.

Here is a description of my day-dreaming. I have tried to capture the entire conversation I had with AB. You might like it.
I win the fastest finger first and am introduced as HSD, Accounts Manager in an MNC. He would like to buy some land and do farming. He has a special liking for Punjab. Even if he wins 5 crores today, he thinks it will fall short of the project he has in mind. He wants to talk about his project as the game progresses.
Ok – let’s start the game. Here comes the first question.



1. Who is the singer of the song Kahin pe nigahen, kahin pe nishana from the film CID (1956)?

A. Geeta Dutt   B. Shamshad Begum
C. Asha Bhosle D. Surayya

I go for audience poll and the audience returns Shamshad Begum 55%, Geeta Dutt 35%. I go with the audience and manage to scrape thru.
Before the second question AB asks about my project. I reply that it is a social one. Others may want to set up a hospital, but I want to help people in not going to the hospital in the first place. I want to keep diseases out.
At this juncture comes the 2nd question

2. What does IFRS represent?
A. Int’l Financial Reporting Standards B. Indian Financial Recording system
C. Int’l Fiscal Reporting System          D. Int’l Film Research Station
I manage to win Rs 10000 by locking on A.
I ask AB as to what is found on each square inch area of Mumbai. I only reply with the word ‘Spittings’. It is spits all over. I am sure if we could curb this social evil, it would automatically reduce diseases to some extent.

Comes question no.3
3. How many medals did India win in the Commonwealth Games 2010?
A. 40 B. 38
C. 56 D. 101

I scramble at the last moment with D 101 and manage to stay on in the game.
With AB’s permission I narrate a story which my elder sister had told us years ago. You find someone spitting in the train. On being screamed as to why was he spitting right there, he replies “Kya Karega, Garib aadmi”.
Can anyone get me from the statute books any law that being a garib aadmi gives one the right to spit anywhere and everywhere? Is there any such constitutional right?
The crowd bursts out laughing. AB promises to continue with the discussions after a break.

Break over, AB comes up with question no.4 for Rs 40000
4. In which of the following states of India are Rhinoes found?
 A. Jammu & Kashmir B. Rajasthan
 C. Assam                   D. Karnataka
I blabber that I had seen Rhinoes while on elephant back at the Jaldapara Game Sanctuary. Since West Bengal is not listed above, I go for C Assam. I have heard of Kaziranga.
I win 40000 hands down.
We continue with our spitting discussion. My question is why does an average Indian spit so much? What is the medical reason behind this phenomenon? Leave out the constitutional experts, we need our medical profession to come up with the cause and suggest ways to overcome this national malaise.
The railway police at the suburban railway stations in Mumbai had started hauling up people for some time. But that was short-lived. I for one would like to make that mahaprabhu, the nuisance creator to walk over the spot where the spit fell. I’d like to see how he would react when told to do so. He won’t like to go over that spot because he is aware of that spot. But the next person unknowingly walks over it. He reaches home with different types of germs carried underneath his shoes. He and his family members fall sick and require medical assistance. Of course the original mahaprabhu also meets with the same fate. While spitting at one spot he is actually treading on others’ spits.
AB seems to feel convinced and wishes me luck to win as much as possible.

He comes up with question 5 for 80000
5. In which test you get results for SGOT and SGPT?
A. Sputum  B. Blood
C. Stool     D. Urine
As I am talking on spits only, I thought ‘sputum’ should be the answer. But I have had enough of the blood tests done so far in my 53 years. I stay with B Blood and cross question 5.

AB gets going with question 6 straightaway.
6. The atmosphere of Venus mainly consists of which of the following gases?
A. Carbon Dioxide   B. Sulphur Dioxide
C. Sulphur Trioxide  D. Water Vapour
I look complete blank and call for phone a friend. I call up my younger son and get through by going with A Carbon Dioxide.
I try to get back with my topic on social evils of the Indian Society. Spitting here and there needs to be controlled at any cost. People have to be won over. Social Thinkers – please do something. Medical Profession – please do something. Why does the Indian spit all thru and does not think it a crime to spit anywhere?
AB nods and takes a break.

Question 7 for 320000 comes as follows:

7. Which Republic lies between Algeria and Lybia?
A. Tunisia  B. Morocco
C. Somalia D. Kenya
I was totally taken by surprise. How can the question come back to me after 36 years? The Late Hamid Sayani had put the question to us in the Bournvita Quiz contest and I had managed to answer this one.
As the answer was in my sleeves, I get into the discussion mode. My worry is how public hygiene amongst the Indians could be improved. We simply do not seem to care. When will this change? If this does not change, we’ll remain as we are.
AB seems to enjoy my concern.
During my childhood days, I'd take the atlas and call out places with some sort of a tune. Ons such tune was "Lybia, Algeria, Tunisia". I get thru the second phase calling out A Tunisia and win 320000.
In a more relaxed atmosphere the game continues.

The next question –
8. In which capacity does the Vice President of India gets his/her salary?
A. as the Vice President B. as the Governor of a State
C. as a Cabinet Minister D. as ex-officio Chairman of the Rajya Sabha
I remembered that the Vice President has something to do with the Rajya Sabha. I decide to go in for that.
But I get my worries back. I start talking of the conditions of India’s rivers. The other day I was watching a documentary on the Ganges. There are 161 cities on its banks. People at source at Gangotri are not getting any water as barrages have been constructed and the water diverted. It is so full of pollutants both human and chemical that even at Gangasagar the supply of fish is dwindling. You are sure to get diseases if you take that holy dip in it anymore. Under the Ganga Pariyojna, something was started. Inadequate electricity has put paid to most of the engineering efforts. Load-shedding does not allow the pumps to operate. What a pity! The Ganga will turn poisonous in our life time only.
I tell AB that the 5 crores will not be enough. We need to save our people. No amount of hospitals will be adequate if the sources of diseases are not taken care of.
Question 8 gets me 640000.

Time for question 9.
9. Who was the second Indian to win an Oscar award?
A. Satyajit Ray      B. Bhanu Athayia
C. A.R. Rahaman. D. Ismail Merchant

I knew Bhanu Athayia was the first one for Gandhi. I was not very sure about Ismail Merchant. So Satyajit Ray was standing out. I decided to consult the expert of the day Shekhar Gupta. Mr Ray was his choice. My presumption was confirmed. I won the cheque of Rs 1250000. Things were becoming hotter.

I feel hapless whenever I find people committing suicide because of poverty. We have some of the richest people in the whole of universe. Our politicians are filthy rich. Even then people die here of starvation. Can you think of a bigger curse on a nation? Thinkers – please help our country. If we cannot take care of our people, other people will take care of our country.
Mr Bachchan empathises with me.

Question 10 for 2500000
10. In which of the following South/Central American countries a Football world cup final has not been played so far?
A. Mexico B. Uruguay
C. Chile     D. Paraguay
I know that it has happened in Mexico and at Montevideo(Uruguay). So the choice was between Chile and Paraguay. I use the double dip lifeline and call out Chile. Computer says it to be wrong. So I know that it is Paraguay. I win 2500000.

AB felt that I could buy some land now. His question was where was I planning to buy land? I was not sure. It should be the place where I want to live after retirement. Still not decided!!

Hey I was hurtling towards 50 lakhs.
AB was making me cautious. All my lifelines were gone.

Question 11 for 50,00,000
11. Who among our Presidents has been the Vice-Chancellor of Andhra University and Banaras Hindu University?

A. Dr Zakir Hussain B. Dr S Radhakrishnan
C. Dr V V Giri         D. Shri N Sanjeeva Reddy

I ask AB whether I can call out one more social evil here. AB says Zaroor! People here are so unconcerned with the use and misuse of Plastic bags. They just throw it anywhere. That of course applies to everything. Whatever is not needed is simply chucked out on the roadside. A slight consolation is that there are another set of people who pick up everything on the road to eke out a living. But throwing plastics on the roadside is a crime. They are not bio-degradable. They make the land poisonous.
I apply simple common sense and decide to go in for B Dr Radhakrishnan, although Andhra University and Sanjeeva Reddy made some sense.
My common sense works. I am now on the threshold of winning a crore.

Question 12 for 1,00,00,000
12. In which city is the Adya Peeth situated?
A. Kolkata B. Toronto
C. Dhaka   D. Kamakhya
It seemed the day belonged to me. Having been a regular visitor to this place, it was a cake-walk for me. Without much ado I go for A Kolkata and win 1 crore amidst thunderous applause.

AND NOW THE JACKPOT. AB is totally charged up. He is at the top of his voice. He just can’t hide his excitement. For the first time in the history of KBC, someone is so near to winning 5 crores – the highest amount ever so far. He takes a deep breath and asks me to do the same. Q 13 on its way. Pin drop silence in the crowd. Historic moment.

Question 13 for 5,00,00,000

13. As a protest against Chandigarh and other issues, who amongst the following went on fast unto death and finally died after 74 days of fasting?
A. Jatin Das                 B. Nirmaljit Singh Sekhon
C. Sant Fateh Singh     D. Darshan Singh Pheruman
Both of us look to each other. AB is trying to read my mind. I try to get my bearings correct. I try to reason out. Jatin Das had died of hunger strike. But he was from Bengal . He was a revolutionary and died fasting at the Lahore jail. Nirmaljit Sekhon was an ace fighter pilot. Sant Fateh Singh was the SGPC President during our childhood days. Not sure whether he fasted unto death. D Darshan Pheruman seemed to be the choice. (In actuality when he died, both me and my brother held him in very high esteem looking at his steadfastness. To this day I remember the name)
AB is silent. Only utters that if not sure, I should rather quit.
I go in for D Darshan Pheruman. AB asks computer to lock D Darshan Pheruman. AB takes a break.
We come back after the break. AB repeats whatever has happened. He takes a breath. And shouts at the top of his voice that I have won 5 crores. He gets up, comes towards me and tells me that because it was a game in dream, no money passes hands.
He thanks me profusely for the splendid show.

Before leaving I ask AB whether I could ask for a favor.
I ask for his help in getting me make a two-minute film. The film shows that two people in the local train eat something every day. While one would keep the plastic packet (of peanut or chips or moong dal) in his pocket for later disposal, the other would simply chuck his packet out of the train. Not only that, he would ridicule his friend for carrying the plastic packet home. Many days later, the second man while travelling with his little son gets into a thunder-storm. The wind speed picks up and all of a sudden a cyclone develops. In that huge wave of the wind, all the plastic packets lying dormant on the roadside all this time, form spirals and engulf both the father and son. The ferocity is so high that the father could take the plastics off his face with great difficulty. The young son is not so fortunate. He is engulfed totally and dies of suffocation. The man laments that he is a contributor for the mishap.

AB likes it. Maybe he’ll help me with the film.

Can you beat my imagination?