Helping out others - sometimes comes at a price!!

I am a staunch believer in helping others. The reason is you get back more than what you give. It continues to happen to me all the time and I am sure it happens to all of us. We get help from unexpected quarters in our day to day life. Sometimes we acknowledge. Many a time we disregard – as if it was our birth-right to get that help. The commoner helps without expecting anything in return. The cycle of helping is happening all the time and keeps the circle of life moving.

Having talked in favor of helping others, I’d like to state that there are occasions when such helping extracts a price. It’s interesting. The most common example is that you try to help an accident victim and then get yourself embroiled in the police and legal complications. Let me share a couple of incidents which put me in the receiving end subsequently.
It was a November evening on Delhi’s Zakir Hussain Marg. The day was Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s birthday. Thousands of Sardars were going in a procession. I was driving my New Maruti car from the India Gate side with two of my colleagues. Traffic was at a very slow pace when suddenly I saw in front a lady with a small kid finding it difficult to start her Maruti. I asked the two colleagues to push the car to get it started. After a couple of pushes, I could sense that her car’s battery was gone and it would require some additional driving skill to keep the engine running in that slow traffic. Now look at my magnanimity. I ran to her- asked her to drive my car while I took to her steering wheel. With her kid in my car, I used all my driving skills to keep the engine running in that crowd. Once or twice it got stalled, but my friends pushed it to enable me to re-start. Just imagine the scene – the lady, a total stranger driving my new car while I was driving her khatara. Painstakingly we drove thru the crowd and finally got on to the ITO bridge. Near Swasthya Vihar we re-exchanged our cars and went our respective ways. She ofcourse invited us to coffee at her place. We declined and went ahead – very satisfied that we had helped a damsel in distress. I am sure the Man above had noted down this piece of going out of the way to help others. I was sure that I had collected some brownie points from HIM.
Brownies or not, the real result of that evening’s adventure was felt a couple of days later when I found it difficult to drive the car. Even before visiting the mechanic I knew the clutch plate was gone. Then it dawned upon me that the lady that evening must have used the clutch to control the new car in that heavy traffic. She must have used half clutch continuously to control the speed and in the bargain the clutch plate was gone. I laughed and told myself - 'Wow Hari. Thanks to your magnanimity. Please cough up 2500 and get the clutch plates replaced'. See the price I paid for going out of the way. What would have happened if I had not helped her? Something would have happened – isn’t it? Someone else would have helped.
On another occasion after having helped the owner of a car restart his engine, I got hit by a stone ricocheting off the front tyres.
Have I grown wiser? In matters of cars may be – but not in matters of helping. Keep helping others in small ways. It will come back to you in a bigger way. Some day I’ll share the stories of help I have got from total strangers. They have created a deep impact on me.

Talking of Places

The names of places have always attracted me. At an early age I knew by heart the capitals of almost all the countries. Even today, arising out of my greater exposure, when I learn of a new place, it’s goose-pimples all over. During the first visit to a palmist in Calcutta, the man looking at the lines on my hand just blurted out in Bengali "Ki Bohirmukhi haat" meaning 'what an outward orientation'!! This was something quite contrary to the introvert that I am. Just savor the dichotomy - an introvert having an external disposition. A colleague a few years earlier had commented that two opposite streaks run thru my hand.

Although I would be abreast with the latest happenings all over the globe thru newspapers, the actual physical external environment unfolded to me very logically - step by step. And the process continues even today. Currently the travel blogs are taking me to the farthest corners of the globe, criss-crossing all the seas and mountains of the world. I have a fair idea of the Machu Pichhu trails of the Incas in Peru. I know about the birds flocking in their thousands at a lonely island off the coast of Mexico.

It all started when a small group of our friends made trips during the holidays to nearby places. It gathered momentum with my CA articleship days when I travelled to the schools of rural Bengal for conducting audit of their accounts. The position was important as the Government grants to schools depend heavily on a clean audit report.

I still remember the excitement of my first trip to a village school in Burdwan district. I took the Black Diamond express at 6.10 AM and then had a bus ride of 26 kms to a place called Bulbulitala. Then walking along paddy fields I reached the school by 10. The Headmaster who was running refresher classes was taken aback – how could I reach so early? Then I realized that no earlier auditor had taken an express train at 6 am for a village school audit. I could not do full justice to the one kg piece of chena (paneer) served to me at dinner. Then there was a college audit at Egra in Midnapore district. The huge pieces of fish we used to have at a roadside shack called Deben Hati’s hotel are still fresh in memory.

The state barrier was broken when I moved out to Jamshedpur (Tatanagar) for Industrial training at the Indian Tube Co. The ten months spent there saw me visit a number of places in and around Bihar.

A sort of going across the India borders was added when I took up a rare opportunity of working for the Godrej group at Phuntsholing in Bhutan.

The closure of the Bhutan unit brought me to the Capital of the country in another Godrej venture. I had a 15 year stint in Delhi before the commercial capital of the country beckoned me to the laps of the Arabian Sea. The interesting fact was that my first passport made in Delhi in 1983 went abegging in the sense that not a single entry was made on it before its renewal in 1993. Both at Delhi and Bombay, my sojourns were limited to and fro the airports - dropping and picking up friends and relatives from across the globe. How fervently I used to hope (and pray) for a trip on those international flights at that time!

The international flavor to my life came in 2000 when travels to Manila and Singapore became a regular feature on my official agenda. Visits to the Corregidor Island and Pagsanjan Falls opened up my Asian tourney.

Then came the big trips to the US and Canada, England and Ireland and now to Western Europe. I like this gradual evolution. It reminds me of my father’s sayings that you need not worry. Everything has got its own timing. To these I add that if you want something genuinely, it’ll come to you. I have got multiple examples of that in my life. Ramakrishna Dev used to say that you ask for it and the mother will provide you with the same. You’ll have to ask for it whole-heartedly.

Here are a couple of stories on the topic of new places.
During the Bournvita Quiz contest Calcutta Semi Finals - a question to us was "which Republic lies between Lybia and Algeria"? Pat came the reply from me "Tunisia". Actually African geography was never taught to us in any of the classes. But I had a hobby of looking at the atlas. On the African page I used to rhyme and tune it up "Algeria, Lybia, Tunisia". That periodic tuning of the rhyme saw us thru the semis and then the final also. In the Finals the question was what was the oil port on the Caspian Sea. I could scamper home with 'Baku' after having initially responded with "Azerbaijan" when the Late Hamid Sayani Sir wanted the more specific answer of 'Baku' (Baku is the capital of Azerbaijan). We were Calcutta champs that year (1973).
Some years back two guys visited our place. One of them was introduced as a person who stayed in the Central African Republic. I asked him coolly as to whether he was staying in Bangui (Bangui being the capital as per my Geography). The man was completely taken aback. He exclaimed that he had been staying 8 years there and none of his relations had bothered to ask him anything even once. And here was a total stranger who was talking of the Central African Republic as if it was his home state. He demanded to know as to how I knew about Bangui. Well my Geography, my GK, my penchant for foreign lands was the answer.

Even during our latest visit, our host at Jena (Germany) would laugh away whenever any topic of German towns would come up for discussion. She would start by surrendering saying ‘you know more about Germany than what I do’. I hope the fervor stays on.

Taking It to The Next Level

A great many of us with aging start loving the status quo. I have seen many youngsters also showing that sort of a behavior. Many a time we just do not know how to reach the next level. It could be competition, complacency, clumsiness, ignorance, lack of energy, lack of confidence, not foreseeing any gains, fear to take up more responsibility, fear of losing whatever has been built up so far and so on. The list would be endless. You talk to them and you'll hear "enough is enough" as the response which is more of a reaction. I must say that the world loses a lot of talent that way. A good leader/mentor could reverse that. Whatever, I am not discussing the rights/wrongs on that approach. Fine you are not going to the next level. That is eluding you. But what such people can definitely do is to take whatever they are currently doing to the NEXT level. You need not go to the next level.

The above truth has always been there. But it has specifically dawned upon me now as an off-shoot to my Blog writing. The very fact that I have to think before I pen down anything is the trigger. In fact I have now decided to make an effort towards that direction - just to take the current work to the next level. It will be quite an effort. First and foremost, I'll have to break the set mind-set. Then will have to really think thru and see the end-result -where and how to make that impact so as to really call it as the next level. Then ofcourse is the execution part which will call for changes galore.

Sounds interesting!! Let me see. Here I'll need your wishes.

Wonderful Cascading Effect

They say 'Nothing succeeds like success'. Well here is a double whammy for me. I quit smoking sometime in 2001. I wrote the story on my blog some 3 days back. And last 2 days I have not touched the sweet dish at lunch. I saw the gulab jamoons on Monday and the pastries yesterday. I preferred to look the other way. Again just like my quit smoking story I made it look so simple. And by putting up this note in front of everybody I am declaring that I have overcome my weakness for sweets.Henceforth I'll not touch sweets at the lunch table. For courtesy's sake I'll have a small piece of birthday cakes. At lunch and dinner invitations at others' places I'll have a tiny bit - again for courtesy. At home - small bits not more than twice a week.(You know I have a sweet tooth)

So what am I trying to prove? Nothing. I am just trying to limit my calorie intake.

Why is this global announcement? My way of trying to put controls on myself and as an offshoot - if anyone gets influenced by it.

What is the guarantee? I myself will come back with the violation story as and when it happens. Remember I am looking for topics to write on. So it'll be a nice story narrating the circumstances under which I had to give up - the mental tug o'war.

Luck is on my side. For once I am not asking for your wishes. Foot in mouth again? I am lovin it.

God Bless.

How I Quit Smoking - it happened in Manila and not at Mumbai

I have been smoking since when I was 23. That was 1980. That went on and on and reached 30 cigarettes a day by 1983. There were occasions when I’d light one, un-mindful that the previous one was not yet finished. Such was the compulsion from inside.

But, believe it or not, the same ‘I’ has not touched a single cigarette since 2001. What was the secret? Loved ones pointing out the medical side? No way. I was well aware. Heart attacks and strokes were galore in the family. The logic cited would be – ‘people die without smoking also, I’d rather die smoking. Well-wishers can’t help giving up on such incorrigibles.
However, being a soft person, I did think sometimes of quitting. But the urge was un-stoppable. So short shrift for the couple of occasions when I actually gave up for a few hours or may be a few days. But there was a constant tussle inside. Only the mind could not come out with a positive ‘no’.
Months continued. I got transferred to Mumbai. For the first time I found a bevy of ladies in the office, all professionally qualified with no non-sense attitudes. Somehow I could get myself accepted within their group. Mind all of them were younger to me -10 years and more.
The smoking continued unabated. I got new smoking partners in the new office. Now nobody would even request me to give up – they knew I was hardened by then. However the tussle inside had not stopped. It also continued along with the fags.
Then one day to add some spice in life I announced in the office that I’d quit smoking if any lady other than my wife asked me to stop. The ladies found it to be a real non-sense and refrained from even commenting on my stunt. So I continued my way.
Then in 2000-01, during my second visit to Manila something happened which changed the scenario completely. After work while going to the malls I met another female colleague of our Mumbai office but not from my department. I was smoking as usual. On being asked why did I smoke, I narrated her the story of my condition of quitting. Little did I realize that this was a different lady. She heard my story and immediately uttered “ok I am now asking you to stop smoking”. I was taken aback. I did not expect this. Sheepishly I continued with the smoke. We went round the mall and came back after dinner. I had still 4 cigarettes left in the packet.
Once inside the hotel room the real fight started. One part of the mind was telling me – boy here is your chance. I kept on thinking that I had been bragging all this time with no one caring. Here was someone who was giving me an opportunity to come round. The duel continued for sometime when all of a sudden out of a sudden burst of emotion, I grabbed the packet, squeezed it completely and threw it in the dust-bin.
The next morning the Manila girls had organized a trip to the Tagay-Tay volcano and I was sitting in the van like a zombie. The girls kept on asking what was the matter with me, why was I not talking?
But that was it. Ever since that night not a cigarette till this day. I made it look so easy.
My brother commented – a girl asked you to quit and you quit. Little did he realize that the game was and till date is being played in the mind.
As for that lady- when she learnt that I had really given up at her word (which I think she also never dreamt of) she teased me with the sentence “You have put your foot into the mouth”.
When I narrated this story to one of my managers his reply was – “Yes you had put your foot into the mouth but in the process had taken out the butt from the mouth”
So it’s the Mind and nothing else. Think of doing something. The mind will take you thru.

Remaining Positive

"Typical Hari da - having fun in whatever you do. Miss your infectious positive attitude." - This was the response I got in Facebook today from Shekhar, an ex-colleague. This was in response to something innocuous I wrote in FB yesterday morning - "(Broadband) connection restored. I'm back. Accounts closing pressure at office. But fun. Hoping to write something on the office blog also. Plenty to do." 

Atleast I for one never expected a response like the one Shekhar sent. Promptly I responded in FB "what a compliment! It's 8 pm. Still I can't help saying "my day is made". Yes that is one thing which keeps me moving. Feel good that atleast some people find it infectious."

Now that Shekhar has brought up the topic, let me delve a bit more into it.

I remember having described myself to many of my friends including a few of my managers as "someone with unbounded optimism bordering on to foolhardiness."
That is because I feel I don't have any choice if I want to continue to live. Somehow I can't gel the two events - "living" and "not being positive". One related item is that Nature(or say Happenings) will not follow your choice or instructions. You'll have to follow Nature's events. I have been able to internalize that one so much right from my school days that I try to remain happy under the most trying circumstances and always look forward to the next scenario. I still remember the elderly lady, our next door neighbour, telling my mother that she always found me with a smiling face.

Now let me share with you a few of the "crazy" things I do.

Unlike many others, I do not require an alarm bell to wake me up. You tell me to start at 2 am, I'll be up by 1.30 without any intervention. I have seen people trying to find fault with their alarm systems.

I love to be at the work-place as early as possible. I wish I had a 6 to 2 shift. Last whole week I have been reaching office before 7 am, leaving home by 5 and changing 3 buses en-route. These things come so natural to me. The idea is to get a few extra hours during the closing time. I have seen people not ready to budge an inch from their daily routines. I pity them as they they can't enjoy variations in an otherwise mundane life.

The other thing is the state of being happy. To remain happy or unhappy is totally in your own hands. With advancement in age, I have tried to master this art. Earlier I used to get worked up on so many counts. Now a days there is a conscious effort that nothing should be able to affect my internal happiness. By and large I have been successful. Sukanya, my brother's wife once narrated us a story as to someone telling her that if you can overcome greed then nothing can shake you. So true.

One more thing which comes naturally to me is to laugh at myself, my follies.That's a great experience. I can bet that many would find it difficult to laugh at their own selves.

So it's not that I have got a positive attitude just like that. Quite a few things have happened to keep me as energetic as a 21 year old at 53. And they keep happening everyday. The small things in everyday life give me an intense pleasure. Those are the things which keep me going.

If that is proving to be infectious to a few, I am more than happy. My life is made.

God Bless.